Official Essex Girl Joke Book

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What did the Essex girl customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? "'Debbie'.... that's cute, what did you name the other one ?". What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Porsche ? You don't lend the Porsche out to your friends.

Alison Moyet, singer/songwriter, was born in Billericay and began her singing career with Vince Clarke as part of 1980s synth duo Yazoo, before starting a solo career with hits such as Is This Love and Love Resurrection. In 1994 she recorded the album Essex. More recently she's appeared in the musical Chicago. What do you call an Essex girl with a pound coin on the top of her head ? All you can eat, under a quid. How would you like to be remembered? From scattering ashes on a favourite walk, to a party with a bouncy castle, many people are deciding a traditional funeral just isn't right for them Caroline Stanbury, 47, makes ANOTHER change to her appearance days after 'car crash' facelift: 'New look incoming'Britain was in perpetual economic turmoil in the 1970s, yet the economy of the south-east flourished in comparison to other regions, in particular the northern towns. People who had grown up in pokey London flats were saving for first homes outside London, in return for a bit more space, a garden and somewhere to park the car. The Conservatives were tapping into a desire that had shaped the history of Essex – people had long been moving east in search of space and a home of their own. And yet, in a sense, the Tories were just following the prevailing societal trends. Home ownership passed 50% in 1970 – not under the Conservatives, but under Labour, the party that built the welfare state. Look" says the beautiful landlady, who loves a chat. "If any one of you can tell me where you live without stuttering, I"ll let you make love to me".

Jennifer Lopez is fierce at 54 as she shares 'first of many' album covers for new release This Is Me... Now Moreover, absolutely no one has actually said 'reem' or 'jel' since 2010. Move on. 9) You are haunted by misguided teenage attempts to imitate the TOWIE aesthetic. I'm A Celebrity's Jamie Lynn Spears breaks down in tears AGAIN over a small square of chocolate as she moans 'I just want more!' Q: If an Essex girl and a Surrey girl jump out of an airplane at the same time, which one would hit the ground first ?Left your fake tan on a bit too long and looking less 'sun-kissed' and more Ompa Loomper? "It's fine, I'm from Essex, it's just what we do." Got the words generally and genuinely middled up? "I'm from Essex, what do you expect?" E E E E E E Ed Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edinb.....""Sorry, you lose" says the gorgeous woman. "And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman. What is the difference between Bigfoot and an intelligent Essex girl ? There have actualy been sightings of Bigfoot. Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi......" stutters the Englishman "Three pints of gui gui gui gui...." tries Paddy. Only Fools And Horses star Nicholas Lyndhurst achieves newfound success in America as he's deemed 'best actor ever' by co-star Kelsey Grammer

Why are Essex girls only allowed 30 minute lunch breaks ? It takes to long to retrain them if they take an hour. Who won Great British Bake Off? Matty triumphs as he beats off competition from fellow finalists Dan and Josh to win 2023 series

an essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. it was her boyfriend, urgently warning her "treacle, i just heard on the news that theres a car going the wrong way on the A13. please be careful!" were scapegoats, just like Essex girls – receptacles for society’s disgust, and concerns about immorality, impropriety and scandal. The witches share characteristics of the Essex girl: they were of low social status, deemed ‘loose’ (not under the shelter or protection of a man); and legally dumb as they needed a male relative to speak for them in court. And it was alleged in some cases that they used glamour, the spell. So these were women of low status, loose, dumb and glamorous – that sounds like our contemporary stereotype to me.” A grammar-school boy, Tebbit preached the gospel of self-improvement from the beginning of his political career; he was already advocating a free-market agenda when first agitating to become an MP in the 1960s. His 1981 Tory conference speech, delivered in the wake of the race riots in Toxteth and Brixton – with its infamous line that his father, unemployed in the 1930s, “got on his bike” to look for work instead of rioting – is probably the best-known piece of British political oratory on the idea of meritocracy. One might suggest that the recent attempt to have the term removed from the dictionary is an overreaction to a “jovial” term that means little in reality. It isn’t. Words matter More recently, the TV programme Spitting Image had a song called Essex Is Crap, in which Bruce Forsyth's puppet sang about shell suits, leather sofas, coal-effect fires and karaoke. The late radio presenter John Peel, who lived in Suffolk, was so averse to Essex (and in particular its drivers) that whenever he headed home from London he bypassed it completely, choosing a longer route that took him through Hertfordshire and Cambridgeshire instead.